Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai

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Woke up this morning to the unmistakable smell of burnout. I didn't settle down until well after 01:00, so getting up for Men's Prayer was a bust. Further, the idea of going in to the office at all seemed simply too much when I finally did get out of bed.

Feeling this way isn't without cause: I've been running hard at work for a few months now, trying to keep us running through a significant crisis, and my emotional energy is largely dedicated elsewhere. I'm oddly thankful that my feeling is simply about work rather than a generalized, immobilizing depression (I can feel the difference). And I've no doubt at this point that it is simply a momentary feeling, though it does call for me to seek some sort of recharge.

I struggle with the simple act of trusting Jesus to be my strength when I am this weary. I want to look after myself, which isn't unhealthy in the least within the context of trusting Him. Living as if I'm the only one who will care for me, however, sells short His promises to me— I settle for something far less than the wonderful, mysterious, abundant life He longs to give me. That's the life of an orphan, not a son.

Off I go. I'm not opposed to calling it a short day if that's what I need to do, but I do think it best to at least show up and see what happens. As with other facets of my life, sometimes all I can do is keep showing up. Sometimes, it's all I'm called to do.

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