Last night's Staff Meeting was just Connor, Abi, and me. In the midst of the friendship and laughter (which I found myself surprisingly able to join), I quietly raised my glass to those long gone. I believe I did honor her memory, the memory of all of them.
Emotionally, I feel oddly refreshed, even cleansed. My eyes slowly close, I breathe in deeply, and I sigh. The longing is still with me, yet accompanied by an inexplicable trust in His goodness. He has brought me to this place, and He will strengthen me. He is at work-- "Aslan is on the move." Someone encouraged me to feel His hands on my shoulders. Somehow I do.
Much I'm not saying, but I know that's okay. I'm trusting Him with the gaps, the distances, and especially the impossibilities.