Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai
  • Mood: refreshed
  • Music: Jeff Buckley, "Hallelujah"

Hands on my shoulders

God moved powerfully in my soul yesterday. I fought Him a lot of the way, crying out and pounding His chest as He pulled me close. He kept my heart alive. How hard it is to trust that His heart beats for me! Thankfully, it's my usual day off today. There's so much to meditate upon; I don't want His voice or mine to get lost amid the buzz of the mundane. I need this time.

Last night's Staff Meeting was just Connor, Abi, and me. In the midst of the friendship and laughter (which I found myself surprisingly able to join), I quietly raised my glass to those long gone. I believe I did honor her memory, the memory of all of them.

Emotionally, I feel oddly refreshed, even cleansed. My eyes slowly close, I breathe in deeply, and I sigh. The longing is still with me, yet accompanied by an inexplicable trust in His goodness. He has brought me to this place, and He will strengthen me. He is at work-- "Aslan is on the move." Someone encouraged me to feel His hands on my shoulders. Somehow I do.

Much I'm not saying, but I know that's okay. I'm trusting Him with the gaps, the distances, and especially the impossibilities.
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