Maximillian Amadeus Banzai (banzai) wrote,
Maximillian Amadeus Banzai
banzai

  • Mood:

Flailing

Been trying very hard, in all the wrong ways, to forget myself today. It hasn't been effective in the least: the only observable results have been driving a wedge between myself and God, and being an insensitive, self-centered, hurtful jerk to almost anyone I can reach.

(I'm glad I can't separate myself from Him. If I could, I'd have been done for long ago.)

Feels good to be taking these moments to write, in the dark other than the glow of the screen and a few electronic lights scattered about. Peaceful. Why didn't I just rest today?

Had lunch with Nate. Tried to articulate what I've been going through, but it felt inadequate. That gives me some pause about how much to share with my Community Group as a whole. Probably better to invite them to follow up with me on an individual level: then I can be more discerning on what to share. Just because I want to be in community doesn't mean much of my path won't continue to be solitary. I should face that now. Again.
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