Going from 4:30 am to 3:00 am was more than my body is accustomed to anymore, so waking up this morning (first around 7:00 am) was a sickly, surreal experience. By 10:00 am I was ready to get moving and start toward work. The office is just me for the next two days, which is really good and really bad for me.
Stay a while...
My prayers have been mostly "why" and "please." My life is raw, my body is even sore from unknown strain. I remember why I shut down last time, and this time is harder still: the mission that gave me purpose in those days is now gone. New life, new purpose, my only hopes-- while I have those promises, it takes faith beyond what I'm finding. And how pathetic that I would make this all about me.
Can't I just shut down? Can't I just run? Can't I just look away?
Stay a while...