Stay awhile
Saw Episode II: Attack of the Clones last night with a group of friends. Don't have much to write about the movie, because that's not where my mind was. I'd hoped that being out with people at a festive event would be a good break, but it didn't work any magic-- I felt powerfully, deeply alone.
Going from 4:30 am to 3:00 am was more than my body is accustomed to anymore, so waking up this morning (first around 7:00 am) was a sickly, surreal experience. By 10:00 am I was ready to get moving and start toward work. The office is just me for the next two days, which is really good and really bad for me.
Stay a while...
My prayers have been mostly "why" and "please." My life is raw, my body is even sore from unknown strain. I remember why I shut down last time, and this time is harder still: the mission that gave me purpose in those days is now gone. New life, new purpose, my only hopes-- while I have those promises, it takes faith beyond what I'm finding. And how pathetic that I would make this all about me.
Can't I just shut down? Can't I just run? Can't I just look away?
Stay a while...
Going from 4:30 am to 3:00 am was more than my body is accustomed to anymore, so waking up this morning (first around 7:00 am) was a sickly, surreal experience. By 10:00 am I was ready to get moving and start toward work. The office is just me for the next two days, which is really good and really bad for me.
Stay a while...
My prayers have been mostly "why" and "please." My life is raw, my body is even sore from unknown strain. I remember why I shut down last time, and this time is harder still: the mission that gave me purpose in those days is now gone. New life, new purpose, my only hopes-- while I have those promises, it takes faith beyond what I'm finding. And how pathetic that I would make this all about me.
Can't I just shut down? Can't I just run? Can't I just look away?
Stay a while...
That alone-in-the-crowd feeling? I know it well.
Just... ::sighs, thinks:: this isn't our home. This is why we feel we don't belong.
::HUGS:: We'll make it, friend.
Somehow.
I know that loneliness, my friend.
It's deep
and it stings every inch of you.
I'm sorry you
are feeling it too.
I pray God would release both
of us from it.
Amen.
have you ever been screened for depression?
here's a self-test:
http://www.auburn.edu/student_info/student_affairs/success/screenings/depression.html