The Banzai Chronicles

Been a bit under the weather since Wednesday—just a mild cold thus far, thankfully. Has me going a bit slower than usual, but since everything else is also going a bit slower than usual with the Christmas holiday, it's not so bad. barlow_girl was a trooper and went on a post-Christmas decoration shopping expedition, so we'll be equipped for a real tree next year (this year's tree occupies a tiny pot, and we should probably find a home for it soon).

Yesterday's brunch was fun and, oddly enough, I wound up coming home from the white elephant exchange with a gift from my Amazon wish list—an electric wine-bottle opener. Not the kind of thing I'd ever be likely to buy myself, since it's languished on the list for years, but it should be fun to play with for free, and if it breaks, no biggie. Robert & Kelly put out a great spread and were gracious, engaging hosts.

Tonight we're heading out with Jenna & Paul for dinner with Jenna's mom. Looking forward to it, a little moreso since I spent most of the afternoon asleep. Tomorrow is work and worship, so things aren't going to stay slow.

Getting back on the journalling horse is oddly daunting. I've had the window open to start an entry a few times recently, but no go until now. Not that there's anything to it, just a nebulous inertia made stronger by regular forays into Facebook or Twitter that scratch the itch a bit. Not that that's real reflection by any stretch—and not that this will be, either.

Noteworthy current or recent past events:

• barlow_girl is away on our church's first women's retreat, at Sahalie Ski Club. Weather being what it is, we're praying for a timely, safe trip back. I'm pretty much over temporary bachelorhood.
• Upgraded our home theater to a Blu-ray system, which has been just plain fun. The weirdest part hasn't been the system itself, but the fact that we bought speaker stands via Craigslist from a former Playgirl centerfold. This should (but won't) teach me to beware of unnecessary Googling.
• Had beers with Merlin Mann and other folks last week in an impromptu meetup he initiated. Funny, energetic guy, which is pretty much as expected. And he picked up the tab, which is always appreciated.
• This Wednesday is the annual Pre-Thanksgiving Stomach Stretching Feast (my sixth) at Buca di Beppo, followed by Thanksgiving dinner with friends at our home Thursday. It's so great to have more space to entertain and enjoy, and many guests at each event will be able to get to know new people.

Bussing it to church today (we're just having one service because of the retreat), so I'd better scoot.

Did a fair amount of settling in yesterday, spurred in part by the fact that we're hosting the other Community Group leaders for dinner this evening. Feels good to have a bit of art on the walls again, and barlow_girl has a great eye for where things should go.

Had to bail on an evening full of plans Friday because we were just too wiped out to make a go of it. Glad we can do that when we need to.

Thursday's communitygroup was a little tough—we had a visitor who behaved in some ways that weren't respectful to others, which wound up being fairly disruptive and uncomfortable. That's one of the risks of having "open" groups, and I'm glad we take it. There's tension between fostering a safe place and being welcoming to whomever may come, and I don't thing there's a singular right answer to navigating that. For my part, I think the possible disruption is one of the risks we take on Jesus, and we try to deal faithfully with whatever comes out of that risk. It doesn't make us doormats or hostages to others' behaviors, however, and we'll be sure some boundaries are expressed before our visitor is welcome to return. It'll also be good to talk about what happened with the rest of the group so people can express what they need to, so we can listen to one another, and so we can be clear on what some of our boundaries are and why we take the risks we do.

As with so many things, it's very tempting to try to manage and lock down everything about how the church relates to one another and the world. That doesn't line up well with church history as we know it from Scripture and onward, however, so we either need to conclude that our differences result from being in a different cultural moment, or we need to leave room to take more relational risks, recognizing that our security is in Christ alone. That doesn't mean being boundary-free or having shepherds who do nothing to protect their flocks—by no means. But we can't make following Jesus together completely "safe" by every individual's measure of safety. That's weak sauce, for sure.

Full day of work capped by a Mariners' game with our communitygroup leaves me a tired guy. Since the sun beat me to writing in my journal on the roof deck this morning (once it's up on a clear day, there's not much hope of doing anything but squinting), I'm going for a couple of lines up here tonight by the light of the half-moon.

Sometimes the nature of my work gets to me—I love the overarching purpose of what I do (and too few of those of us blessed enough to have jobs can say that), but there are days like today when that means trying to navigate financial and legal labyrinths without many outside resources. Add to that the fact that the stuff I'm trying to wrap my head around is connected to ventures we're excited to launch into boldly, and I wind up feeling like the killjoy who's slowing things down, applying brakes when everyone would (understandably) rather be hitting the gas (and often have been, so I'm playing catch up, too). It's just a weird but probably necessary spot to be in, and I have to remember that I'm not as alone as I feel when I'm in it.

The quiet of the night does wonders to quiet me inside, too. I love looking out over the city without all the noise and voices and questions and requests.

We had a great visit by quiltlady (barlow_girl's mom) this past weekend, affording us the chance to play tourists in our own hometown. Friday we toured Theo Chocolate and rode the Ducks, and Saturday was mostly downtime for me while she and Amy went to the farmer's market, checked out some yard sales and fabric stores, went for high tea at Queen Mary, and attended Susan's baby shower (in the meantime, I checked out the anniversary sale at Comics Dungeon, where I met mercuryeric). Sunday was much more packed for me, starting with work and worship, then a dash to the Chapel of St. Ignatius for Connor & Sara's son's baptism, then back over to Volunteer Park for our annual church picnic. We dropped Amy's mom off at the airport early Monday morning, and I've been getting back into the standard groove since then.

What is a standard groove, anyway? Think I'm trying to figure that out—since (at least) when we decided to move earlier this summer, I've been shuffling things around and often just trying to keep up. Now that our busy season has hopefully passed, I'm hoping to find some better and more sustainable rhythms. For example, it's great to be able to do lots of my work from home, but I haven't yet been settled enough to bring good discipline or focus to the table on a regular basis. Likewise, we'll be restarting weekly meetings of our communitygroup soon, and I don't think either of us have a great grasp of what we want the rest of our weeknights to look like (they've tended to just be stuffed with stuff for the summer). By no means do I want a locked-in routine, just a better sense of what life looks like beyond doing the next urgent thing.

We moved back into the bedroom yesterday, which also allowed us to reclaim the living room and set up barlow_girl's new desk (she hasn't really had once since before we married, which is a total shame). Feels so good to have things shape up and stabilize a bit.

John returns from sabbatical this week. It's been good for him to rest, which also makes it good to have him return. With the ministry year beginning soon and our West Seattle church plant getting underway, it's exciting in a "back to school" sort of way. With all our home stuff, I'm still feeling behind with work, but hopefully I can get a good chunk done today.

Amy's mom, quiltlady, arrives this Thursday to visit, too! We've been looking forward to her visit for a while and it's a relief to have so much of the house done before she gets here (just so it's a welcoming and stable place, not to impress or anything). Amy has lots of great ideas of things we can all do as well as things for just the two of them, so it should be a great time.

With as much as we've got going, looking at the week ahead can be a bit daunting, but it's a lot easier to feel like we can handle it when we're sleeping in our bedroom and not picking up a paintbrush or roller anytime we're not doing something else. Not that we're done, but at least we can tackle projects at our pace now rather than having them hurtling at us out of necessity.

More painting today. Readers can simply insert that phrase whenever I'm not updating, because that's what I'll be doing. We've got great help (Brian & Carolyn are coming over today, Carrie is helping Monday, and Jenna and the Verschuyls are up later in the week) and are making good progress; it's all simply a reminder that I don't want more than one job if I can help it. The painting itself is pretty easy, but the constant project management—figuring out and communicating about what's next, doing everything in the proper order, coordinating volunteer help, etc.—gets heavy and doesn't relent. Since that's the same energy and work as my job, it's taking a toll. Don't think there's an easier way (and trying to find one is yet more work along the same lines), so I just limp forward until I'm back to one job again. It's not that big of a deal, I remind myself, and it's true. I'm just really, really tired and won't have actual rest until the house stuff is done. The end of the month is my hope.

On the "good stuff" side (actually, it's all good stuff, there's just a lot of it, all the time), we had fun at Linda's annual bonfire last night at Golden Gardens. Been a long time since I did anything like that and it's great celebrating Linda's birthday while seeing her do something she absolutely loves with friends. We also finally had a breakthrough with Comcast (after a month) and are going to have cable and internet installed Tuesday. The latter is by far the most exciting for me (as we've been unreliably mooching from the landlords for all this time), but it'll also be fun to get the TiVo HD up and running (which we ordered just before deciding to move, so haven't used). Another good thing running through all of this has been the weather—much milder with regular cloud cover. It's made everything so much easier for me, and I'm thankful every morning.

Next weekend is a Community Group retreat, which I'm at once looking forward to and too overwhelmed to think about. Coordinating another project puts a knot in my stomach, but that's what it means to love others well right now. And yet again, it's not that big of a deal; I just won't be able to deal with it as soon or as completely as I otherwise might. barlow_girl has been doing the lion's share of the planning and communication, and what remains will be OK whatever form it has to take (since everyone has directions, food plans, etc.). If it's not OK for me to model what it means to be limited, then I'm being an awful leader.

Off to finish my scone and get to painting—second coat on two walls and some trim, then taping things off for priming, then priming, then cutting in on two walls, then painting them with their first coat. Poor Amy has to go into the office today in addition to hearing me whine, so she has the harder part.

It's chilly enough that we had to close all the windows. Awesome.

Really looking forward to using our home as a home. That feels like a long way off. We've got three rooms left to paint (the first one is off to a good start, but the ceiling painting—my least favorite—feels never-ending due to patchiness), furniture to pick up (not that I'm complaining about free!), and I still can't get Comcast to transfer/install our service for TV and internet (been trying for nearly a month). I've mostly given up on any sense of "done," but that kind of sucks, and I don't want my unsettledness to be a downer, because that just slows everything down more and makes being done further away.

Fact is, we're doing what needs to be done as fast and as well as we can, and that just takes as long as it takes. I just don't like when there's not a workaround. I'll feel a lot better after diving into it some more, no doubt. And really, when I get over myself a bit, it's such a blessing to be able to do this, work, and have good stuff on our calendar all at once—I don't like having to "check out" of life (in part because it usually works badly), and we don't have to do that.

Best thing I can do right now is spread the word that we're looking for help to finish out the home stretch, so that's what I'll do.

Though we're far from the miserable temperatures of last week, it can still get pretty stuffy in the afternoons. This morning, however, I'm wishing I'd worn slippers to breakfast on the roof deck. If that sounds like a complaint, you don't know me.

Paul & Jenna stopped by last night for dinner at Murphy's and gelato at Fainting Goat. We really enjoy their friendship and company.

It's nice to be done with fighting a two-front war on our move. Now that everything is in the house, we face the next challenge of finding a place for everything and everything in its place. That involves not only our current stuff, but finding new furniture and painting our last three rooms (to my relief, the attic bedroom is getting a pass). Even with so much new space, it's tricky to move things around for the next step and to do those in the right order. barlow_girl found a whole living room set for free from her boss' sister, so that's yet another Godsend, even if we have to retrieve it from Monroe (which we do). But our den really needs painting before we can get it. We also want to find a desk for Amy, but it's hard to tell just where it will go until after we paint and furnish (which also affects its size and style).

Settling in is good, and will be even better. Even when it's hot and I'm whiny.

It's record-breakingly hot in Seattle—5:00 am is one of the few tolerable times to be outside for any length of time. Finished the last few loose ends of our move in the early morning hours yesterday, then borrowed Rich & Anna's truck to move our patio stuff after work. Saw (500) Days of Summer as our next option to beat the heat, and barlow_girl was eagle-eyed enough to spot our friends Drew & Sara at the movie, making it that much more enjoyable. Today is expected to be a lot like yesterday, so more survival strategies will be in order.

Growing a bit concerned about my hearing, of all things. Lately I've been having trouble hearing and/or following others—I notice it most with Amy, but that's natural since we talk the most. I'm sure my ability to track what others say is affected by the heat messing with my head, and Amy and I are also still getting used to living in a house where we can't see and hear each other every moment. Even so, it's really uncomfortable to feel like I'm missing something so much of the time.

Off to the air-conditioned office soon, no doubt. That's a Godsend.

Morning tea on the roof deck again. Managed to wall off the stairs up to it for a few days with stuff from moving, so being here again is a small victory. Seattle is looking at temperatures in the 90s this week, which is unusual and tough for us—not nearly as much air conditioning here, and places that lack it include our house.

Also have the final bits of our move to polish off this week. Sooner would be better, no doubt: cooler temperatures, less landlord pressure, and so on. Those last stages basically get down to all the stuff we'd rather not deal with, but there's no nose wiggling a la Bewitched that will get the job done.

Taking my breakfast and writing while looking out over Seattle from the roof deck of our new house (a rental—anyone in Seattle or who knows our housing market knows that we won't be buying anytime soon). We've been painting for the last couple of weeks and got the the bulk of our move done yesterday. Moving's a lot simpler when you're going from 650 square feet to a house around twice the size. But the real difference on both painting and moving has been the help of many dear and generous friends. Most seemed surprised that it was so easy, but that's largely because so many of them helped carry the load (figuratively and literally) at different times. We're so grateful to God for them and for this place we get to call home now.

Hoping for a bit more quiet and rest as we settle in this week. There's more painting to come (hallway, den, and bedroom), but the pace is less frenetic. The den can't really be tackled until we settle more anyway—it's full of stuff that's finding homes in the rest of the house—and the other two rooms shouldn't be too tough now that we're here (famous last words, I'm sure). This past week was a harder push for us, and I think we're both ready to feel less divided.

Trying, trying again on having a bit of discipline with my morning, simply setting aside time before anything else for Scripture reading and whatever prayer, journaling, etc. may arise from that. Realized at ManTime that I really need this space in to grow in my relationship with God—which, not coincidentally, affects my relationship with all reality.

We've had great help from friends thus far in our painting adventures at the new house: Jenna, Linda, and the Andersens have all pitched in and made the load lighter, and some treats from velouria73 made it that much yummier. After a long day Saturday, we had our first deck cookout with Brendan & Janet, and later enjoyed fireworks and rootbeer floats from the smaller roof deck. It was a good glimpse into the lives we want to live in the house.

There's so much more to go. It's hard not to be overwhelmed by it, but I know it will get done and we'll be fine. Paul & Jenna are coming over tonight for more painting help (notice a theme?), and we want to set up some kind of schedule in which other friends can pitch in as they like (I had to get a volunteer schedule out for work before I could devote any time to our own version).

Was looking forward to breakfast at Voula's with the Andersens, but just noticed (thanks to linking this entry) that they're closed through Sunday. Bummer.

barlow_girl and I are just outside of Poulsbo, WA, staying at the Green Cat Guest House for a couple of days after attending our friends' Santino & Alica's wedding Sunday evening. As we discovered last year, Sunday evening weddings are always so much more enjoyable when we can take a couple of days of downtime together afterward. It's been so good to slow down, explore, talk, and get our bearings a bit for whatever the road ahead might bring.

It's a great time to do that since, among other things, we're moving this month! We'll be settling into a house (rental—we didn't get rich or anything) just a few blocks up the street over the course of July, which will also involve lots of painting, etc. We're excited about the new place as well as the opportunity to make a new home together—when we married, Amy moved into my apartment, and while it's been great, this will be the first place that's "ours" from beginning to end, warts and all. It's also about double the space (from around 700 square feet to around 1400), which should make the moving process a lot simpler. We don't want to be in anything ginormous, though—this seems really extravagant to us—so we'll see how it goes.

There's a lot more to being on the same page than simple logistics, though. I wonder if the "marriage retreat" industry is fueled by the fact that so many couples don't—don't slow down, don't get away, don't talk together about what they value, where their life together is headed, what the vision, mission, and purpose of their marriage is. Not that there's anything necessarily wrong with getting a helping hand from a retreat others set up for us, but couples need to take responsibility for caring for one another and their marriages, even in stumbling steps with big risks and regular failures. It's not easy to own our own marital "agendas," and it can be pretty tough to even wrap our hearts and minds around the hugeness of it sometimes, but really, it's our work to do together and it's worth bucking up and doing.

Another in a string of beautiful mornings—so nice to be able to enjoy our courtyard in peace (unlike last year at this time). Since the MacBook Pro returned from the shop this Tuesday, I can journal from here as well. And while I'm not as oogly about the sunshine as most around here, I do appreciate the mornings and evenings.

We took in Around the World in 80 Days at Taproot last night withSeth & Adrianne. Fun show and good company. Diaconate meeting later this morning, and tonight we're headed to Andy & Wendy's for Galaxy Quest.

Lots to do for our annual Leadership Offsite next Saturday, enough that it's a bit daunting. Mostly, it'll just take plenty of time, and I've tried to set aside enough in my schedule. Hoping to get food catered from Victor's (where barlow_girl and I met up with jmcphers many moons ago), but if they don't call me back, then my hands are figuratively tied. Not too tough to round up another vendor, though.

Thoroughly enjoying the Memorial Day weekend, in large part because it's absent the debacle of last year's model. Relaxing and looking forward to time with friends just adds to the enjoyment, as does the great weather (though I'm completely over Seattlelites' obsession with weather as the fully external determinant of their moods).

Since shipping off my MacBook Pro for repair Tuesday—apparently it likes to act up every year or so, and I think this time might be the end of the line for sinking money into it—my work iMac has been here at home. It's felt pretty good to keep things running from here, and that might affect my rhythms, at least for the summer. Even when I'm a grump, something in me loves the challenge of adaptation.

Through the wonders of the internet, just read a far-away former student lament the ignorance he sees in others, noting how sad or frustrating it can be and how sometimes "it merely reveals how small minded they are." Yuck. Seeing it elsewhere makes me acutely aware of A) how much I don't want to see people that way, and 2) how often I do. It's grotesque, and so very far from the dignity God's image bearers should always hold in the eyes of His people. Change me, Lord.

Ran out of shaving gel this week, so this morning I pulled out our stock box (supplies barlow_girl keeps on hand for when we run out of things) to see if there was another can. Sure enough, there was, so I pulled it out and went to put it in the medicine cabinet, only to find another new can had already been put there. Since I didn't mention being out at all, it looks like it would take a lot of planning and effort to ever run out of anything. That's pretty cool.

So I was going to start dinner, except I don't understand the new (to me) can opener. Apparently we've had it for six months, and it opens cans sideways.

Via Lifehacker, I think this post by Ramit Sethi is (pun intended) right on the money. The portion quoted in Lifehacker especially hit home (pun also intended):

Not all homeowners deserve to stay in their houses.
Renting is a perfectly reasonable alternative, but the idea of Americans “losing their houses” is politically untenable. Why? Because America perpetuates a mistaken culture of homeownership. Owning your own home is the kind of BS sacred cow that got us into this mess: Our parents tell us to buy a house. Our friends are impressed if we own a house in our twenties. The government literally encourages us to own a house by offering tax deductions. Homeownership is the American Dream!

The truth is, if you’re making the largest purchase of your life, you need more than a slogan—you need to take the responsibility to do some research. (And note that you can’t advocate for increased homeownership and also argue for Americans to keep their houses. By not reducing the prices, younger people cannot buy houses at these inflated prices.)

I've never been more glad to be a renter, and honestly, I don't think anyone is too good to be one. Especially on my "people not to be taken seriously" list are those who espouse concern for housing the poor on one hand and yet wig out that people could lose ownership of "their" homes. Homeownership and housing are not the same thing, and simple math tells us that for more people are to be housed, home prices need to drop and rental must be an option for more of us. Perhaps it's time to dream a different dream for America in regard to housing.

Reentry from our mini-vacation has me feeling a little snowed under, but it's not too bad and is mostly (if not entirely) in my head. We had a great time in Portland with the Prestons, and it's also nice to be home in time for worship this morning.

Hoping to write more regularly, even if it's not great quantity or quality, in order to keep my brain from feeling blocked up. Though I often find myself feeling a shortage of time, that's really a function of mismanagement—I have plenty; I just (often unintentionally) squander it. Optimization only goes so far and eventually contributes to that rushed and pressured feeling. Simplification in accord with my values is what I truly need to pursue.