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Desk

"Seek my face"

Hear, O Lord, when I cry aloud;
     be gracious to me and answer me!
You have said, “Seek my face.”
My heart says to you,
     “Your face, Lord, do I seek.”

—Psalm 27:7-8


Some of the times I am most centered, sane, and honest are just after I wake up in the middle of the night (though honesty can often trump sane and centered). This time, I awoke with God's command clear in mind: "Seek My face." Couldn't help but think of all the other faces I seek instead, some with good intention and too many with evil, and was troubled with where God was (and wasn't) on that list.

I'm nearly always seeking someone's face, but so rarely God's. There are many ways I can tell myself I'm believing Him, trusting Him, being faithful to Him, or following Him, yet seeking His face is so far from my mind, heart, and practice most of the time, to the point where even imagining what that means is startling. Wanted to say it's "disorienting," but the exact opposite is true—it's so completely orienting that it makes me wonder where I am and where I've been.

Now is a great time to be oriented, to seek His face. I'm faced with so much I don't know, so many blanks to fill in, much to grieve and many wounds to tend—a place where fear and insecurity are far more readily accessible than faith and hope. What faces have I been seeking to get me through—today, this week, for a long time? I'm not proud of the answers, and they form an honest center of a confession of my sin to Him. Thankfully, He wants to hear it, my forgiveness is already purchased by Jesus, and His call is the same: "Seek My face." Your face, Lord, do I seek.

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