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Moody

Trigger

Feels a lot better to get back in the swing of things. Last week I decided yesterday would be my Easter Recovery Day (a necessity in church work). But I had a rotten morning experience that really threw me into a tailspin, so the day off generally sucked and I'm glad to get back to my routine.

A recurring pattern in my life: something happens (I often don't know what) and people who I think have every reason to trust me do the opposite. Unfortunately, it's repeated often enough and wounded me deeply enough that it's become a trigger—whenever I sense it happening again, I close up, withdraw, and generally feel like running and hiding. The response is much larger than the stimulus, and even once the incident itself is resolved, I feel like crappy and sorry for myself for a while. It takes my emotions some time to catch up with reality, so it's nice to feel them synching up again.

To you, O Lord, I call;
   my rock, be not deaf to me,
lest, if you be silent to me,
   I become like those who go down to the pit.
Hear the voice of my pleas for mercy,
   when I cry to you for help,
when I lift up my hands
   toward your most holy sanctuary.

Blessed be the Lord!
   for he has heard the voice of my pleas for mercy.
The Lord is my strength and my shield;
   in him my heart trusts, and I am helped;
my heart exults,
   and with my song I give thanks to him.

—Psalm 28:1-2, 6-7

Comments

I can kind of relate to that. Hope the rest of the week is better!
Lee, I'm so sorry.
I know, and I hope you know all is forgiven and past. It'd be pretty hard to look at a case where triggers were hit so squarely for both you and I and not suspect the enemy at work. But God is working for our good in it, and that reality trumps the lies.
Wow. I just realized what happened.

I love you both so darn much.
That goes both ways, Susan.
I know what you mean about emotions taking a while to catch up to reality. So often I'll let out the initial emotion, and then bury it for a day. And then I get in stupid little fights with Dave over nothing, and he'll ask me if I'm still upset over whatever it was. And I'll cry again. Thank God he recognizes what's going on deep inside of me, even when I don't!